Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
this boner is exhausting
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
