the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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