I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
