Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
