I puked a lego.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
