Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
