Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
