Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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