Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
