Are we in a gay sports bar?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
They took my balls.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
