You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
