I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
