I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
