The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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