Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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