I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
