so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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