So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
