she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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