Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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