haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
