so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
