Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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