I have demons in me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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