Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
