When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
do nipples grow back?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize