i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
how does that bad decision feel?
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