I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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