Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
