Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize