3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
