well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
