How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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