bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
