He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
