my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
