you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
