Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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