The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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