There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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