I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize