she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
