Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
