when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
dude. I can hear the air.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
