I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
