I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
