Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
where am i from again
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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