i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
