I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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