No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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