she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize