I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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