There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
