Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
