there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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