You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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