Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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