Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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