Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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