The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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