If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you win again, gameday.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
