Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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