you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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