i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
