Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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