jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
