Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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