I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
